Networking is a funny thing.  While it is unquestionably the most important factor in job search success, as well as career advancement in general, it’s a subject most people are sick to death of hearing about — and also one (when you bring it up) that causes a lot of job hunters to roll their eyes and say “Yeah, I’m doing all that, but it’s not working.”

Part of the problem, however, is that there are an infinite number of books, articles, and well-meaning advisors that encourage people to network, but not all that many that actually break the process down into specific, tactical steps that can be learned and applied.  So as somebody who is incredibly introverted and has been trying to “crack the code” on networking for 30 years now, both on behalf of my clients as well as my own small business needs, let me share a few specific things I’ve learned along the way:

1) You need to ask directly for referrals: One of the biggest mistakes I see people make with networking is to imply that they’d love to receive referrals, but not actually asking people to make them, directly.  Simply telling your friends “let me know if you know somebody I should talk to” is way too passive and won’t likely produce any results.  Instead, you need to be asking people things like “Jennifer – I see you know Marty Cooper in the Xbox Division over in Microsoft – any chance you could help me get in touch with them?  I have a few quick questions I’d love to get their take on if you’d be kind enough to facilitate an introduction…”

2) You need to give people tangible things to help you with: This is a big one.  Again, most people like to help others.  It makes them feel good about themselves.  So when you’re reaching out to network with people, get them engaged.  Give them a specific, concrete task they can help you with instead of simply asking them for amorphous things like to “keep you in mind” or “keep their eyes and ears peeled for leads” on your behalf.  Ask them to review your resume and provide feedback.  Or share some tips about the hiring practices in their industry.  Or do a mock interview with you.  Or write you a LinkedIn recommendation.  Or review a list of companies you’ve assembled and share anything they might know about them.  Again, the key is to enlist the people you know as active participants in your search and allow them to “feel helpful” by giving them a specific task to assist with, instead of just holding some chit-chat.

3) You need to ask for help the right way.  Hopefully this particular tip isn’t one the majority of people need to worry about, but I do still see a few too many job seekers asking people for favors in a way that comes across as abrupt, ungrateful, and entitled.  In other words, I’ll come across networking messages on LinkedIn that say things like “Call me – I need to talk to some of your contacts in the aerospace field” or “Let’s have coffee – I want to pick your brain about XYZ issue” without any sense of politeness or respect for the other person’s time.  On the surface, this may not seem like a big deal, but you have to remember that referrals and favors are things that are earned, not things to which any of us are entitled.  So you’ll get a lot farther, faster, if you bend over backwards to make sure your contacts know you’re not taking their help for granted, you appreciate it, and that you’ll rapidly act on whatever help they’re willing to give you — and put it to the best possible use (see tip #8 below).  Ask nicely and give them an out, in other words, in case they’re somehow not comfortable granting the favor in question.  The uptick in your response rate based on this approach might surprise you.

4) You need to keep your game face on at all times. While there’s no question that job hunting can produce a lot of stress, confusion, and anxiety, you’ve got to be careful about letting these fears and emotions manifest themselves too visibly in the search process — at least outside of your closest circle of friends/confidants.  Attitude is everything, as they say, and as tempting as it may be to vent, any negative energy you bring to the networking circuit will be noticed by your acquaintances and likely reduce their comfort level in passing your name along to people they know.  It’s simply human nature.  So make sure when you’re out asking for help that you maintain the utmost professionalism, carry yourself like a winner, and show a lot of confidence about reaching your goals.  This also holds true with social media posts, where you’ll see lots of people announcing their job availability on sites like LinkedIn — some talking about how it’s the end of the world and others talking about their excitement to find a new employer, take on some new challenges, and dive into the next chapter of their career.  Which person would YOU be more comfortable putting in touch with your most valuable contacts?

5) You need to avoid assumptions about who can (and can’t) help you.  Social scientists tell us that the average U.S. adult knows over 600 people, and yet most job seekers typically only engage in active networking with a few dozen individuals, I’ve found. I think the key culprit behind this is the natural (but flawed) assumption that we can accurately predict who would or wouldn’t be likely to hear about a lead in our particular field, which causes people to mainly concentrate only on chatting with folks in their specific industry and professional niche.  In reality, though, leads can come from almost anywhere, especially when you realize that even the most unlikely people in your network (your retired neighbor, your second cousin, your dentist, your gym buddy) might happen to know the perfect contact for you to talk with and you’d just never realize it.  So when you’re networking, cast your net far and wide.  Alert as many of the people you know as possible about your search, and current goals, and I can all but guarantee you’ll be amazed at some of the serendipitous connections and leads you turn up.

6) You need to embrace LinkedIn as a force multiplier.  Again, as with networking in general, there’s been a wave of anti-LinkedIn sentiment in recent years and a lot of people badmouthing the site or claiming that it’s become a “corporate Facebook” of sorts that just allows a lot of corporate folks to share smug opinions and/or pat themselves on the back.  And you know what?  In some respects, this observation is accurate.  But it completely misses the point of why LinkedIn was invented, and the unique benefit it provides, which is the ability to go beyond the people you already know and see who else they know and trust so that you can expand your networking reach a hundredfold.  So feel free to ignore the LinkedIn home page and many other facets of the system, if you’d like, but if you’re not routinely tapping into LinkedIn’s power to help you find “2nd Degree connections” at companies all around town, you’re missing the boat.

7) You need to follow-up and report back on your successes.  Last but not least, one final common mistake I see people making in their networking efforts is treating the process as a “single interaction” kind of thing.  They reach out to somebody they know, tell that person they’re on the hunt for a new job, and that’s pretty much the end of the story.  But to really get your networking efforts to bear fruit, you have to maintain contact with your friends/acquaintances on a regular basis (monthly? bimonthly?) so that they stay energized about your search, don’t forget about you, and don’t assume you’ve already landed somewhere.  Most importantly of all, if a contact of yours offers any type of useful help whatsoever (e.g. a personal referral, a book recommendation, a target company idea to check out, you name it) you need to circle back around to them, in the near future, to let them know that you actually acted on their advice — and how you benefited from it.  This taps into what’s known as the Ben Franklin effect and will incentivize them to actually give you additional help, down the road.  By updating your contacts about your progress, and how you applied the help they gave, you’ll create a positive feedback loop (of sorts) that will almost inevitably lead to more assistance from that individual in the weeks/months to come.